A Coupla More Sarah Shaggies

Those who faithfully read my stuff know that I am on a mission to compose the Ultimate Sarah Palin Shaggy Dog sometime this year.

As everyone west of the Atlantic and east of the Pacific learned in Kindergarten, a Shaggy Dog is a long, corny joke.  

You will either (a) groan, or (b) laugh at the end.

Your call!

My Sarah Palin jokes must meet the following self-imposed criteria: they have to reflect her interaction with one or two of the following three elements: the Kangaroo; the Penguin; and/or the Duck.

I also go way out of my way not to upset the Kangaroo who, as we all know, can box at a world-class level.

DISCLOSURE TIME: The following couplets ran separately earlier in the week over on Facebook, where it was hit-or-miss whether or not they were read by a wide audience. So I decided to herd them over here, into “Various Matters”, at least for archival purposes.

Please also note that I may have scored a Superfecta with the first one: I managed to come close to offending not only the Tea Party Movement, but also the Funeral Home Industry, the Legal Profession, Democrats, Elk Hunters, and Norwegians.

Regarding SP Joke #2, I hear through the Grape Vine that it may become the prime subject of an upcoming Papal Encyclical.

For the record, the Kangaroo thought it was pretty cool.

Herewith two more Shaggies featuring the “Gift That Keeps On Giving,”  Ms. Sarah Palin et.al.

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Sarah Palin was so distraught about her sagging poll numbers that she decided to become a Mortician.

After discussing the matter with her political team – the Kangaroo, the Penguin and the Duck -- she opened for business in Moose Bend, Alaska.

As her fortune would have it, Sarah’s second customer was an elderly, long-time constituent, named Lara, whose husband, Lars, passed on to Eternity via a heart attack while elk hunting outside of town.

Her first customer was a local attorney -- who just happened to be the town's lone Democrat -- whom she had already decked out in his casket inside the morgue wearing Navy-Blue suit, white button-down shirt, and Garrison tie.

When they stretched Lars out in the morgue, he was still wearing his hunting togs. So Lara came in, identified the body, and when she glanced over to see the attorney reposed in his casket, she says to Sarah:

“You know, Lars often said that, if he ever went off to meet Saint Peter, he wanted to be dressed in a fancy suit, a white shirt and nice tie – just like that man over there.”

So Sarah takes Lara by the hand and says: “No problem! Just give me a few minutes and I can make it happen.” And she leads Lara out to the Waiting Room. 

Five minutes later, Sarah walks Lara back into the morgue and, lo and behold! – there’s Lars laying there in a casket all decked out wearing a Navy-Blue suit, white button-down and a Garrison tie. 

A tear trickles down Lara’s cheek, and she says:

“He’s handsome, he’s gorgeous, and he’s wearing exactly the kind of suit he wanted to wear at the Heavenly Gate. If you don’t mind me asking you, Mrs. Palin, how did you do this in so short a period of time?”

To which Sarah says: “It was easy. I just changed the head.”

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Sarah was so upset by Michelle Bachmann knocking her out of the headlines that she decided to become a nun.

So after drinking the Kangaroo, the Penguin and the Duck under the table at a dart-bar in Sitka, Alaska, she dog-sledded to a convent way out in the Denalis to meet with the Mother Superior.

"Why do you want to take your vows? And what skills will you bring to the cloister?" asked the Mother Superior.

After thinking it over, Sarah says:

"Well, I'm a great public speaker, I can raise tons of money, plus I can clean a fish, field-dress a deer, shoot bears, and I'm pretty good at handling a kayak and a canoe."

 To which the Mother Superior says:

“ I'm sorry, my daughter, but we already have several Sisters here who are more than proficient in those departments.”

“ However,  we do have an urgent need for a Belly Gunner on-board our B-24."