Bagged By The "Leak"

As Passover morphs into Holy Week, I thought I'd rant a bit about one of my favorite subjects: Modern Journalism.

I had the opportunity earlier in the week to encounter a real-life, Honest to Dog working journalist. It happened at one of our Kiwanis functions. (It's rather a Bitch being a dyslexic metaphysician, n'est pas? But I digress...)

The reporter had been assigned to "cover" my Kiwanis Club's 50th Anniversary Celebration. I happened to miss a recent Breakfast Meeting, and as Punishment I was "elected" to be the Emcee for this particular event.

By way of some background, and since 1961, our Kiwanis Club has returned more than $30 million back to the community from revenues generated by our Thrift Store operations -- and that's definite grist for another post later.

Back to our night of celebration, I was tasked (metaphysician such that I am) with the opportunity to be interviewed by the reporter. As you might surmise, I layed it on pretty thick about all of the charitable works we have undertaken over the years.

As a major part of our program, I mentioned that we were going to honor 20 students in attendance with $6,000 scholarships per each student. That adds up to $120,000 in scholarships awarded during One Program on One Night, Ladies and Gentlemen.

I also mentioned we were going to donate $20,000 to Kiwanis International / UNICEF as our Club's pledge to contribute $100,000 towards eliminating maternal and neonatal tetanus worldwide. My Kiwanis Club was the first, internationally, to make such a commitment in an effort to irradicate one of the world's worst health scurges to plague mothers and infants in the equatorial regions.

As a side note, I also informed the reporter about our School Back Pack Program, through which we provide three days' worth of nourishment to about 1,000 needy kids and their families to tide them over each weekend during the school year.

We cheerfully and gladly invest about $5,000 each week into this program, which we conduct in partnership with the Harry Chapin Food Bank.

I figured that my mention of a mere three of our programs would give the journalist plenty to write about, especially since this was an evening event and the reporter, more likely than not, would be under pressure of meeting a News Deadline.

In any event, the Press had never, ever, strung all of these important, community-enhancing projects together before into one news Story.

You may, or may not, relate to my dismay the next morning when I read the article -- published on Page B-4 below the Fold -- that our Kiwanis Club was just about to engage in a programming partnership with the County YMCA.

Any mention of mine about all the good work we do in our Community was compressed into a one-sentence quote.

At least the Journalist spelled my name right, but did the newspaper really have to print my age?

Scheesch ...

Indeed, we are in negotiations with the YMCA about their rental of a facility we are about to acquire ... but I had sworn everyone involved in the negotiations to Secrecy -- until a deal was inked and the ink was dry. The possibility of making any agreement with the YMCA lay far down the proverbial road.

About 11,000 things could go wrong -- now I am thinking since the proverbial Cat Is Out Of The Bag on this, about 10,500 bad things have just surfaced -- any one of which is capable of sending any deal with the Y Due South.

I comprehended one important Fact: the Reporter did not conjure this Story Angle out of Thin Air.

Ergo: someone from the Kiwanis Side must have "leaked" confidential information. I also understand the Leaking To The Press Concept, developed at Yale University, that "leakers" do so with self-serving interests.

So the question is: why would anyone want to Trump our 50 years of proven achievement with an obtuse story angle based on a Broad Reach?

Who blabbed?

A metaphysician such as I would solve this Riddle with one Arm tied behind the back -- that is, if one such as I wanted to devote time to it.

But, what the Hey: the damage had been done, and, besides, it took place on the Night After Passover (which some Observants refer to as "Pass Out.")

Anyway...

Pretending that the YMCA/Kiwanis deal was of no real consequence as far as the story went, I attempted to call the Journalist, to "lobby" so-to-speak for a follow-up story on those matters that were obviously overlooked in the original story on B-4.

After spending about 20 exciting minutes On-Hold listening to a Computer-Generated Voice (female) about my Office Directory Options, I threw in the proverbial Towel.

I would have had more Luck if I had made an attempt to cold call the Marine Commandant at Camp Gitmo.

In the far recesses of my mind, I recall the days when newspapers emphasized comprehensive and accurate reporting of Community News.

Sadly, I'm more convinced than ever that those days are Long-Gone.

But since my age is now public Knowledge, you may now refer to me as "The Dinosaur"...